I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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