I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
