I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
