the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
