He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have aggressive nipples.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
