I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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