I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
