I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize