that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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