i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize