Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
