If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
