I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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