Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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