His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
