You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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