remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
