My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
