Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
