So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize