Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
