I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
