I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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