he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
