6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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