She's JV to your varsity
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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