Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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