I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
