I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
