How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
