That's intense
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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