so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
