he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize