he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
