You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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