also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize