she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
