are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
