Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i think my cat just said my name.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
