Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
