I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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