In the future we'll all be gay
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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