he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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