I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
