Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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