No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
