You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
