Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
