i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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