Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
