so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize