she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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