just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
