Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize