I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
