P.S. I can't hear my feet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
NoShamevember. You game?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
