Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your dad touched me again.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
