I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
