YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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