pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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