I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
