I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
