Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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