break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
