So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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