i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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