yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
