HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
