Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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