My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
